MIND Sweeper

by Jack Begert

In 1991, the great Soviet Union, which had stretched across 8,649,500 square miles of Eurasian soil, was dissolved. In the political tumult that followed, the nations of Kazakhstan, Kirgizia, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Belarus, Ukraine, Moldavia, Georgia, Armenia, and Azerbaijan gained independence from a weakened Russia. Although these states are self-governing, their governments and economies remain unstable, and many of their lands contain stockpiles of former Soviet weapons.

The dismantling of the USSR is generally considered to be the end result of the "Cold War", a strenuous conflict between the United States and Russia after WWII. Although war was never declared, and this conflict is said to be "over", great animosity remains between the two countries.

When these previous paragraphs were forcefully read to students in the hallways, the general response was, "Why are you telling me this?!” Well, it just so happens that I have recently discovered some disturbing evidence that the U.S. government has been planting anti-Russian propaganda in 90% of households in America.

That's right; every computer IN THE WORLD running a copy of a Windows operating system is simply a tool to sustain this hostility between the U.S. and Russia. I am referring, of course, to Minesweeper.

Minesweeper is one of the most played games on the planet. The objective is simple: clear a minefield without detonating a mine. Squares are chosen, and if they do not contain a mine, they display a number indicating the numberof mines adjacent to the square. A player wins if he/she can place red flags on all mines, without guessing incorrectly and setting them off.

For most, this is satisfactory. However, playing Minesweeper has always left me with some disturbing questions: Where is this abstract field full of mines? Where are these mines coming from? Who am I, a lone sweeper attempting to survive? The answers lie buried deeply within the human subconscious.

Your browser may not support display of this image. So imagine the following picture:
The two "halves" of the background are actually exactly the same color. It is simply the shading on the vase that makes you see differently. The human brain likes patterns and hates mystery. If there are unresolved subconscious questions, our brains answer them. Similarly, the general public associates minefields with previous Soviet lands. When playing Minesweeper, your mind is subconsciously telling you that you, the protagonist, are eliminating the evil work put in place by the enemy: The Russians.

I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but all these years of playing Minesweeper have turned you into a mindless drone of the U.S. government.
The solution is simple: stop playing Minesweeper. It's an awful game anyway...terrible graphics.