The Lounge Gets an Upgrade, but How?

by Richard Bastuck

Yesterday morning, I awoke early for reasons unknown; I went to school early for reasons unknown; I typed up Mitchell’s Catullus poems for, well, obvious reasons (at least if you're in my Latin class); and then I proceeded to the senior lounge because I was bored. As I approached the Smash Haven, I saw two custodians sitting inside, talking. Now that may not sound like anything special, but it was where they were sitting that grabbed my attention.

If you know the senior lounge, you know that there is a couch on which to sit, a Nintendo 64 on which to play, and a TV into which the Nintendo 64 plugs. There are also a few lunch tables around, but no one really cares about those; the lounge exists for gaming, and that’s about it.

Being used to this configuration, I was surprised to see that the two custodians in the lounge were each sitting on two different couches, one on either side of the old couch. I walked inside to check it out, and confirmed that two two-person couches had indeed been added to the lounge. Already content with the mysterious upgrade that I discovered, I saw something else out of the corner of my eye, something much bigger and much better. I turned around, and sitting there to the right of our old TV was a giant Sony rear-projection flat-screen television. Granted, it looks ancient (you can tell by its lovely faux-wood panelling), but I literally jumped with glee. I was also totally stoked that I was the first person to discover them, and I felt very important. It was a good day.

But by that time, I found myself asking, ‘From where did these mighty gifts come?’ and ‘Who bestowed such royal treasures upon us?’ Maybe I didn’t actually say those things word for word, but I’m pretty sure that it was at least something along those lines.

After performing an investigation of which Sherlock Holmes himself would be proud, I came across a paper towel, conveniently located on top of the new TV, which read: “From the Habitat Tag Sale, We think it works but if it doesn’t just throw it in the trash.” Upon reading these words, I laughed heartily—I could not imagine such a wonderful new TV in the lounge just not working. That would just be silly.

I must admit, though, that getting the television to work wasn’t the dream that I had imagined it to be. It took several of us loungers, including Mr. Omar Chowdhury, Mr. Joe Byrne, and myself, to find a way to turn the new TV on—I assure you, it was plugged in. Really. It is here in the article that I have to give a shout out to Mike Petrello, who stuck a pen in the hole where the Power button should be in order to turn it on. At last, the lounge’s new toy was working.

But still the question remains, ‘Who put the new TV and new couches in the lounge?’ Well, despite the fact that I have established myself to be quite the invesigative journalist, I could not bring myself to discover the truth—my mind was too focused on the volleyball tournament. For now, until a better answer presents itself, I’m going to say it was the Lounge Gnomes.